Thoughts
by Madrilene
Summary: AU In Fried, Van watches Hitomi, and reflects on his love, his present and his past. Hitomi feels pulled towards Van, but doesn't know why. Can Hitomi and Van work out their feelings while a war rages on in the backround?
1. Reflections of a King

Disclaimer:  I do not own Escaflowne, nor would I ever dream of doing so.

Author's Note:  I think first of all, I should thank Gabriella, my sister.  She's the one got me to sit down and watch Escaflowne, and introduced me to fan fiction.  Then, I also have a few things to say about this story.  It's an Alternate Universe, though this part isn't really, and begins in Fried, after they've been released from any doubts.  In this story, Hitomi tries to corporate herself more into Gaean culture, and wears a Freidian dress, to fit in.  This relates to the first paragraph.

Another aspect is that although this at the moment is PG, or even G, it will raise to PG-13, or most likely R if I continue this.  I still haven't decided if this is to be a one shot, or not.  

This fic, or chapter, is very Van oriented.  It goes into his thoughts, about what he wants, and his past.  

This is definitely a Van/Hitomi.  Van is in love with her, and wants her to love him as well.  Now, with all that said, I believe I can begin the story.

§*§*§*§*§*§

Her skirts swirled, her laughter rang out.  He watched from afar, not daring to go to her, to spoil her moment.  Her dress was long, and pretty, a light blue.  The lace over skirt swirled around it, and for a moment, she looked like an angel.  _My Angel_, he whispered.

She turned to the cat-girl sitting next to her, who glared at her.  His heart leapt at the sight of the two of them.  Soon she burst out laughing, and the cat-girl swept at her with a paw.  The chase was on.

He pulled back in the bushes, not wanting to be seen.  It would be disastrous, if he was seen.  He wanted to watch his angel from afar.  

It had hurt him terribly when she had called out for the Knight, when he had rescued her.  It had ripped out his heart, but he wasn't one to show it.  He took it in stride, letting it eat away at him from the inside.

He smiled as he thought about how she had clutched at him, how she had needed him.  She was truly his angel then, even though she had been the one to call him that.  She hadn't cursed him, nor was she afraid of him.  She had liked his wings.

He sighed, and felt the necklace in his pocket.  As a child, after his mother had left, and he was the only member of his family left, he had found her wedding and engagement rings on a golden chain.  She had known she was going to leave, that she most likely wouldn't come back, and asked him to give them to the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.  He had kept the necklace with him through everything.  It never left his pocket, unless he needed the reassurance of it, like he had that night.

It made him shiver to think about what he wanted to do.  He wanted her, damn it, he did.  He wanted her to love him as much as he loved her.  Was it all in vain?

He pulled the necklace out, and held it up to his face.  _Give these to the woman you love, Van.  There's someone out there who was made for you.  All you need to do is find her.  And, Van, in a favour to me, when you propose to her, do it in the spot where your father and I met.  There's magic in that spot, and I want to see it._  Or the time Merle had taunted him about having wings, and he had jumped off the roof.  His mother had saved him, making him promise never to spread his wings again, until the time was right…

That was why he had showed Hitomi his wings.  He had wanted her to know that he had been the one to rescue her, not Allen.  Allen hadn't even been there.  And even if Allen had been there, he couldn't have done anything.  It had been his moment to shine, to prove he was worthy of her love.

He sighed, picking up his mother's wedding ring.  It was beautiful, gold, with a diamond surrounded by smaller stones, rubies, sapphires, emeralds, amethyst, engraved with a dragon.  The ring of the queen, it was called, for it had been passed down every generation to the Crown Prince, and his bride.

Crown Prince.  The words stung him.  Folken, his older brother, his hero, had been the crown prince.  The Heir to the Throne.  Van had always been the second Prince.  Sure, he was a Prince, and that title would follow him around his life, as was customary of second born princes, but it wouldn't mean anything.  He'd enrol in the army, and became a great warrior.  Or, he might go to the University, and learn to be a scholar.  In all events he would sit upon his brother's Council.  He'd marry a nice, rich, beautiful young woman, and either live with her in the Palace, or receive land from his brother, making his home away from the Palace, where he would become a Lord, and his wife a Lady.  If he was lucky, he would marry a woman who was the Heiress to her family, who needed a husband to receive her fortune.  Funny, he thought, how everything can change so quickly. 

It had started on the day of his brother's fifteenth birthday.  It was Farnellian tradition that the Crown Prince one week after his fifteenth birthday begin his rite.  As Van remembered, he had just turned five himself, three months prior.    Folken had tried to convince the Council to let him wait.  He argued that the proper mourning time of one year hadn't been reached yet, and to begin the Rite before the old King had lain for a year was a scandal he wanted no part of.

It hadn't worked.  One week later, Folken dressed in his armour, took his sword, and was brought to the Dragon's Nest.  He was never seen nor heard from again.

At the time, Van had been melancholy.  His older brother was gone-his hero worshipped, wonderful older brother was gone.  And what didn't help matters was that Varyie was also deteriorating.  At the time, Van hadn't noticed how his mother hadn't eaten all of her meals, how she often left for bed before the eight bell struck.  How she spent most of her time sitting in the garden, or in her room, looking out of the window.

It wasn't till now that Van had even realised it.  It was funny, he mused, how ten years later things started to make sense.  Well, making sense wasn't exactly the right word, but he didn't care.   And now his brother was back, but on the other side.

It had been an arrow through his heart when he realised that his captor was in fact his brother.  How his brother had no remorse for what he had done.  How even thought it was a good thing.  Van had vowed to kill his brother.  To make matters worse, they had met on an Astorian bridge, and he had almost lost his life, in his brother's presence.  His brother had done nothing.  His angel had saved him.

He remembered the feel of her body on his, how much he wanted to be with her.  At the time he had shoved the thoughts out of his head.  Merle had interrupted the moment, throwing herself at him.

Merle.  She was his sister, his adopted sister.  She had come into his life when he was four, and she was one.  Though cats had a longer memory than humans, her memories of Folken were blurry, if even existent.  Her family had been hung, and Merle was next in line when King Gaou and a group of knights came upon them.  Gaou had taken Merle with him to the Palace, where she had been cleaned up bye Queen Varyie, and eventually adopted.

Van remembered meeting Merle for the first time, and how she instantly latched on to him.  He was never sure why she did…maybe because she had also had a brother his age, who had died, or maybe he was the one who had time to spend with her.  He had never asked her, and she had never told him.

He sighed and replaced the necklace in his pocket.  His past was not something he was open about.  Actually, Hitomi, Merle and a few selected people in Farnellia, who he wasn't even sure if they were dead or not, knew about his past.  And Hitomi was the only one whom he had told.  The others had grown up with him.

He sighed, and wondered if Hitomi knew how much she meant to him, that he had told her his past.  Did she even realise that he trusted her like no other?  That he had basically told her all his secrets?

He sighed, and sat back in the bushes.  Hitomi and Merle were long gone, and it was safe for him to come out.  He rose, shaking off the leaves that had clung to him.  Staring up at the sky, he let the moon light bathe him.

The moon.  The Moon of Illusions.  What a mysterious place.  Hitomi spoke of it, as if it was above all others, as if it were fit for the gods.  She had revered it, as if it were the Palace of Fate, the lost temple, who's beauty was supposed to be indescribable.  He had been there only for a short time, but he knew that if Hitomi loved it, so would he.  

It was ridiculous, he soon decided, that a warrior and King such as himself was pining over a woman, a woman who didn't even turn his affections.  It was ridiculous, but he didn't care.  

He was a fifteen year-old warrior, King of a broken land, pilot of the famous Guymelef, a descendant of a lost and cursed race, orphaned, and betrayed.  And with all those things sitting on his shoulders, weighing him down, he swore a vow that he would carry out, if it was the last thing he ever did.

_I, Van Slanzaar de Farnel, swear to protect Hitomi Kanzaki till I die, and in that time, confess my love to her._  He drew out his sword a little ways, slicing his thumb, and let the blood drop on the ground.  _This is the blood that binds me to my pact._

§*§*§*§*§*§*§*§

Wow…I didn't really mean to end it there, but I guess I did.  This is my first posted story, and I wonder how it turned out.  I guess I'll find that out in my reviews.  Anyway, I'm not sure if I should leave this as a one shot, or if I should continue.  I do have a plot forming in my mind, but I haven't decided if I will continue this or not.

Anyway, if I do continue this, I don't know when I will.  I'm planning my wedding, and started working, and I have a lot to do, but I will write more, this story, or another.  So, I must be going now, but expect more from me later.  Bye.

Madrilène, the nineteenth of October


	2. Reflections of a Seer

Chapter 2: Reflections 

The moon glinted off of the cool metal, as it swung in a mighty ark. She watched him, his breath taking strokes, his even breathing, his stance. She imprinted every detail into memory, with out even realizing it.

She watched him practice. His movements were elegant, perfectly timed as he balanced between the stones. She watched as he threw off his shirt, his stomach muscles rippling, his breeches riding up his waist. He was built for a fifteen year-old, and she knew that given a few years, he'd mature to be one breath-taking man. She blushed as the thought went through her head. He might be breath-taking, but he was hot headed, arrogant, stubborn, and she shouldn't be thinking such thought about him.

She sighed, resting her head against the pillar she stood behind. Their first meeting was clear in her mind, his arrogance, his stubbornness, his unthankful ness. He hadn't improved very much, she decided. But one part of her wasn't at rest with that. It insisted that she give him time, to know his past. And seeing his past, she realised that she could almost understand why he was like he was. Almost.

The truth was, they were very different from one another, if one takes past experiences. Morwenna and Damien Kanzaki met in school, and married at twenty-five. Hitomi followed a year later, four and a half years later came Matthew. Her family was no typical Japanese family. For one thing, they all had unusual names, well, Matthew was not unusual, it was biblical, but still, it wasn't usually used in Japan, and Hitomi herself. Morwenna's family, though they had lived in Japan for four or so generations still had very old-fashioned western traditions. And Damien's father may have been Japanese, giving him the last name, but his mother had been European, and had raised him, with help of his paternal grand-mother, who was also named Hitomi, when Damien's father died.

When Hitomi was born, it caused some problems in the family. Morwenna came from a family which used the unusual, mostly old-fashioned names, like Morwenna, or Athena, Morwenna's mother. Damien was half Japanese, and thought that his children should bear at least a semi-Japanese name, to make things easier in school, where he himself had trouble with his name. It was finally decided that Hitomi would be named after her late paternal great-grandmother, and Malana, the name her mother chose. Matthew had also gone through the same, with a middle name of Yobidasu. Matthew could not stand his middle name and went through school known as Matthew, or Matt, no matter how different it was from most of his Japanese friends.

Her childhood had been simple, but nice. Her mother used to work as a teacher for elementary aged children, but also specialised in Math and the sciences, as well as English, Greek and Latin. Occasionally Morwenna would tutor students, referred to her by friends she had, who taught in the upper classes. Damien was a lawyer, a litigation attorney, who made a lot of money, but wasn't home very often. Through both her parents, Hitomi and Matthew were both very good in school, top of their classes, and though Hitomi ran track, Matthew was excellent at the team sports, though when forced, he could also run.

Morwenna had quit teaching when pregnant with Hitomi, and stayed at home to raise her daughter. And when she started to think about going back to teach, when Hitomi was a little more than three, she found she was pregnant with Matthew, and decided to stop forever. They lived in an expensive house, and had money, enough so that splurging on something was no problem. Of course, the disadvantage was that Damien Kanzaki was rarely at home. 

Hitomi grew up knowing that her father worked very hard to make lots of money, and that was why he was rarely home. Family dinners were a rarity as a child for her. She grew up playing with her mother, Matthew, and Athena, whom they sometimes visited. She was not very close to her father, who took no nonsense, and could be very strict. She wondered if he even knew she was gone, or what he'd say when she came back.

Matthew and she were never very close either, though her mother said it needed time. Actually, the two people in her life she was closed to, were her mother and Athena. Athena's death hit her hard. She was ten years old when her grandmother died of an unusual illness, which was incurable. The day before Athena was admitted into the hospital, she called Hitomi over, and gave her the pendant and tarot cards, giving her a quick lesson in how to use them, and what the various cards meant. The next day she was rushed to the hospital, where she fell into a coma and died.

The hardest thing about Athena's death to Hitomi was that she knew it was going to happen. The visions ran in Athena's family, along with looks. Although Athena's family origins were unclear, and the only person who knew about them was Athena, who was dead, it was clear that the visions ran through the line. Hitomi remembered her first vision about Yukari, both then five, who fell out of a tree when the branch broke. Morwenna had afterwards sat a hysterical Hitomi down, and began to explain that she had also had visions as a young girl, and that she should be careful with them. The visions had always been relative infrequent until she went to Gaia.

Hitomi sighed, and ran a hand through her short hair, making note that it hadn't grown any in the last month or so, ever since she had been on Gaia. As a child, Hitomi had always had curly locks to her shoulder blades. It wasn't until se was thirteen and wanted to try it differently, that she had cut it. She had hair that grew at an immense rate, she needed to go to the barber every other week, sometimes every week to keep it the same length. Of course, the longer it got, the slower it grew, and Morwenna, whose hair was halfway down her back hadn't gotten her hair trimmed in six months. She wondered why it hadn't grown. Did it want to keep her appearance the same, in the case she was able to go back to earth? Or was there something about Gaia?

She watched as Van completed his exercises. The moon light from the earth and moon hit him, making him shine, just like it had earlier in the evening. She had known he was watching her earlier in the evening. She had sensed him near her, though she could not say how. It was almost as if she could feel him, feel his presence. But that couldn't be…she felt no one else that way, and why would she suddenly start to feel Van? Fishing around in her head, she decided that it must be a form of dousing, or something to that effect. In her thought process, it was amazing to think that she skipped over the most logical, simple and true answer; that she could feel his presence in her heart because they were beginning to bond.

Watching Van practise brought her to Allen. She couldn't tell why she liked him so much. Maybe it was because she saw Amano in him, or maybe it was because he had actually been a gentleman when they first met. But a nagging part of her made her realise that Van was also being nice to her now. He wasn't the same as he had been when they had met. In Asturia, he had gone after her…not Allen. He had rescued her when she fell down into the abyss. He had shown his wings to her, something his mother had forbidden him to do, to never show his wings. And he had. He had come to her in her movement of need, as her Angel. _My Angel…_

She had thought Allen had been her Angel. How wrong she was. Allen was not her Angel. Allen had never been. The mystical qualities of an Angel belonged to Van only. It made her sigh. Was she- could she be- could she be feeling something for Van? Could she feel something other than friendship for him?

Shaking her head, she took hold of her pendant. It was her lucky charm, her salvation, her protector. She watched it glow. It glowed brightly, the rosy colour shining. She still didn't know why it was behaving so strangely ever since she had gotten to Gaea. _Always keep it with you, Hitomi, please. There's much more to this pendant than meets the eye. Be careful with it, and it will protect you. Go now, remember, I love you. _The last words Athena Ravain had ever spoken.

Hitomi clutched it to her chest, soon remembering the reason she came out in the moonlight in the first place was that she couldn't sleep. The slight breeze went right through her summer night gown and robe. She wasn't sure where Chid had gotten them, probably at the bazaar, but she had thanked him gratefully for it. She wanted to fit in, she hated being the odd one out. Of course, in a different world, where she had visions, she probably couldn't get anymore strange. Unless she had purple skin and blue hair, maybe, but then again, Gaddess did have blackish blue hair, Varyie, Van's mother had dark green, and if there were gecko-men, cat-girls and wolf-men, why wouldn't there be people with blue skin?

She brought her vision to Van again. His sword flashed through the air, the moonlight catching the silver, and making it gleam. She stood there silently, watching. Though she knew nothing of the swordsman art, she enjoyed watching him practice. He had confessed to her that he needed lots more practice to perfect the art, but she didn't believe him. He already could. All he needed to do is to keep his head.

That was another thing she didn't understand. He was so…self-loathing. He took everything as if it was all his fault, including the entire war! And Folken…Hitomi didn't know what was keeping Van away from his brother. True, Folken was on the side of the enemy, but…he was still Van's older brother. Blood is thicker than water after all…

She wrapped her dressing gown tighter around her. She kept on reminding herself that she should probably be going to bed, but she didn't want to. Watching Van was too interesting, and she reminded herself that she needed the time to reflect. She took a deep breath, for the moment forgetting where she was. "Oh Van…"

"What?"

§*§*§*§*§

I am terribly sorry for the wait, but I just got swamped with work. I got to work the emergency shift at the veterinary hospital, there turned out to be a huge mistake in my wedding and to top it out my sister, dear Gabbers, decided to take up acting, and though I don't know how she managed it, she somehow slipped on the stage, and went careening into a piece of scenery, breaking her wrist. I had to visit her in the hospital and play caring older sister for a few weeks. This among other things made it hard to write. But never fear, I will not give up on this story. 

Oh and another note, if someone would like to edit for me…what is it called, beta-reader? My sister told me the term, I'd be glad to have someone do it. My grammar and everything competent, but I'd like having someone to read through it just in case. And someone to bounce ideas off would also be nice.

So, please await Chapter 3 hopefully sooner than this chapter came out.  Please review, and e-mail me with questiona and comments.

Madrilène, the twenty-eighth of November.


	3. A First Step

Disclaimer:  I do not own Escaflowne, or any of the character therein.  And since I forgot to do this for the other two chapters, count this for the others as well.

You readers can consider yourselves lucky.  Very lucky.  I had a relatively free weekend, and managed to get myself immersed in the part.  Be glad, very glad.  But don't get used to updates three days apart, because they will be rare in deed.

If you may have noticed, I changed the rating.  The characters are getting more…adult, maybe?  They're beginning to think more about each other in a sexual way, so to speak, which means more adult-rated thoughts.  Not really adult, but let's just say that hormones are beginning to talk.  So, I had to raise the rating.  And I'm warning you that  the rating will probably get higher eventually.  At the moments, it's only thoughts, but wait until the characters try to act on them.  So, beware in future chapters.  I will make a note before each chapter, just to be sure. 

I noticed that I skip around a lot in the character's thoughts.  But have you noticed that we do that as well, when we think?  I know that I do at least.  You think of something, which makes you remember something totally unrelated, which is what I have my characters do.  And if you haven't noticed, don't expect very much dialogue from me.  My writing style is very descriptive, and I prefer spending time divulging into the characters' minds and the scenery instead of having lots of dialogues.  But since most of you have praised me for this, not complained, I don't think you have a problem with it.  

Anyway, though I wasn't on the internet this weekend, something's wrong with my phone line, I'm going to thank all those who reviewed, since I don't know who exactly to thank, since I can't read my reviews.  So, thanks everyone, whoever you are.  

Now, I present to you Chapter 3

§*§*§*§*§*§

Chapter 3: A First Step

"What?"  His eyes were bright, a cinnamon which peered brightly into her green ones.  She had always heard to look into someone's eyes when you were talking with them, no matter who it was.  But the problem was that it was making her burn, looking into his eyes.  She wanted top pull her eyes away from his, just to save her from their unrelenting gaze.  Unfortunately upbringing and habit stopped her from releasing his gaze.

"Oh- oh, I couldn't sleep and came out here."  She managed to chock out, finally breaking eye contact.  She brought her eyes down to her feet, but in doing so, it gave her a view of Van.  She swallowed.  She was glad Van had put on his shirt again, she wasn't sure if she would have been able to keep her composure if he still had his shirt off.  Even with his torso fully clothed, she had a hard time not staring at him.

He was built, and his sweat-soaked shirt clung to him.  His raven locks were messed in the front, covering part of his eyes and in the moonlight he positively glowed.  She kept her eyes on her toes, wiggling them through the fabric of her slippers.  They didn't make that hot, burning feeling go through her.

"And why did you say my name?"  His arms were crossed, a frown on his face, the same expression he always had.  It just made him look even better and breath-taking.  He was fairly tall, around one-hundred-and-seventy-five centimetres.  He was thin, with a tall lean structure, and if he turned out anything compared to his brother, he'd be drop-dead gorgeous.  She blushed at the thought.  She had no idea what was running through her, but it was generating a state she wasn't sure she was ready for.  Especially in the situation she was in.

"I- I didn't know I said it out loud…I was thinking that you were practising well."  She tried to gain the use of her tongue back.  "I think you're doing really well in your duelling."  For heaven's sake, she wasn't supposed to be feeling this!  She didn't even know what she was feeling, but she knew it wasn't right.  Not to mention she liked Allen.  _Remember Allen?  You know, he looks just like Amano, and you're in love with him?  __Sir Allen Schezar?  __Knight Caeli?  Long blonde hair, bright blue eyes to die for?_

Hitomi was brought out of her thoughts by Van's voice.  "No I'm not." His answer was short, hiding a tint of anger behind his voice.  How could she tease him?  He loved her, he was ready to die for her.  And she sneaks out to watch him, and won't tell him why.  His fists clenched.

His eyes swept over her.  Clothed in a white silk nightgown which hung on her small curves, the dressing gown open over it, the tatted lace of the night gown's sleeves and

collar showing through.  The belt hung loosely on her waist, going to her ankles, where the lace hem of the nightgown showed through, to her small, white slippers.  Her hair was a bit mused, a few strands in her eyes, her skin already pale, shone in the moonlight.  Her eyes were dark, much darker than they usually were.  She was breath taking, and Van barely managed to pull his eyes away from her.  

He scolded himself for his thoughts.  He loved her.  He knew that.  She didn't love him.  He knew that.  But the heat washing over him showed him his want and desire for her in a new light.  He didn't just _love her, he __wanted her.  He desired her.  He wanted to kiss her until she was senseless.  He wouldn't even object if he ever got her in his bed.  He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, before anything happened that he couldn't control.  He already felt himself reacting to her, and turned around, facing the Freidian Gardens._

"Van?"  Her sweet, melodic voice whispered his name.  "Are you all right?"  How he wanted to wipe the anxiety off of her face, to assure her he was fine, to wrap her in his arms, to meet her lips with his.  But the view of the gardens stopped him.  Though the gardens in Fanelia had different plants, they were structured mostly the same, with an area limited for nobles, the Royal Gardens, for members of the Royal Family and the select few with Royal permission, and gardens for everyone.  In the moonlight, Van could almost imagine himself being read to on a bench by his mother, or Folken and he playing hide-and-go-seek in the bushes.  

He remembered one instance, when he and Folken were playing in the bushes.  He thought it was Folken coming around and jumped out grabbing his legs.  Unfortunately it was the Lord Declan and Lady Adelina of Heiran's Grove, a fief on the Fanelian border.  They weren't often in the Capital, and were only visiting because Lord Declan had needed to discuss something with King Gaou.  Van was clasped around Lady Adelina's skirts.  He remembered backing slowly away, fearful for what she might say, when she started to laugh.  _Oh my little Prince, no worries.  You must have thought I was your playmate.  Please, go find your friend and finish your game.  He had always liked Lady Adelina after that.  She had been young then, sixteen and newly married.  He wondered what she was doing eleven years later.  He knew that she wasn't dead, on a fief on the Fanelian border, she wouldn't have been in the Capital that day.  He had received a slight scolding from his mother, but she had been smiling and he knew that she wasn't angry._

His mother.  His mind went unconsciously to the rings in his pocket.  That was the next step.  Tell her that you lover her and then if she feels the same for you, propose.  Unfortunately the first step was to tell her.  And the woman he was in love with loved another.  He didn't know what to do.  And then he felt a tap on his shoulder.

Hitomi stood behind him.  "What is wrong with you?  I called your name five times and it was as if you didn't hear me."  Her gaze swept over him.  She noted the tiredness of his stature, his dark eyes.  "You're tired.  Go to bed."  She squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.  The fire which had subsided came back in an instant, and she fell herself wanting something she couldn't describe.

Van didn't know what to do.  Though the fire  and desire in him had receded a bit, it was still there.  And to be told to go to bed by the woman he loved…how close he was to asking her to join him, with only a thin thread of his conscious and coherent mind hanging on to his control.  _She isn't in love with you, if you ask her such a question, you'll ruin your friendship.  And what about the Fanelian and most of Gaean tradition of waiting until marriage?  You can't ask such a thing of her yet._  And as much as Van hated to admit, his mind was right.  He fought against the fire burning within him.  "I'm not tired."  He managed to force out.  Why couldn't she just go to bed?  He needed to sort out his thoughts.

"Not tired?  Van, you're falling asleep where you stand."  Her eyebrows raised, she took her hand from his shoulder, placing it on her hips.  "You can't honestly tell me you're absolutely not tired."  Her lips were parted just a bit, her cheeks flushed.  How graceful and tempting she looked.  And without thinking, Van turned around, coming closer to her.

"I'm fine.  You shouldn't worry about me so much."  His eyes took her in, as she stared at him, a small frown on her face.  How he wanted to-

"I have to worry about you, if I don't, no one else will…well, except Merle, but I don't really trust her with you…she's too smitten with you to be a good judge of your actions."  She interrupted his thoughts.  Van focused on her entire being.  Did she mean that she was able to worry about him because she didn't feel anything for him, or did she mean that she didn't like him?  But the latter made no sense, for why would she worry about him if she didn't like him, nor if she didn't feel anything for him, even friendship.  The fact that she worried about him alone should that she cared for him enough to worry about him.  He wasn't even sure if his last thought made any sense, but he didn't care.  They were his thoughts and no one else could hear them.  His conclusion was that she cared about him at least somewhat, even if it were only as friends.

She was continuing.  "-understand why she's always so hyper.  How could someone have so much energy?  And-"  With her attention distracted, Van walked closer to her, without thinking.  Eventually she noticed, and her lips parted.  She started to back up.  "Van, come, you have to go to bed, you're dead on your feet.  Oh, you probably don't know what that means, I mean, you no almost none of my expressions so why-"

"It means that you can barely walk, you're so tired.  Apparently that's one expression that both worlds have."  He answered her, coming even closer.  She stopped backing up, staring at him.  "You're acting quite odd lately, I could see you sitting in the bushes for the longest time today, watching me.  What's-"  But she was cut off as he came closer, finally grabbing her, and pulling her into his arms.

"Oomph."  Hitomi didn't know what had come over him lately.  He had been acting so strange, and then he was holding her.  She had to admit how good it felt, his arms around her, his spring sent of fields and open spaces mixing together with her scent of flowers, due to the shampoo she had used to wash her hair earlier.  It was amazing how nicely the two scents mixed together, how safe and comfortable she felt in his arms.  She hadn't thought of Allen once while he was holding her.  

His lean and tall structure fit with hers perfectly, and though she didn't have many curves at the moment, the few curves, which she had molded perfectly into his angles.  Her chin came to his shoulder, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.  If he wanted to hold her, she wasn't going to protest, though it occurred to her that she should.  It just felt so right in his arms, though she didn't know why.  "Van."  She whispered, letting his name sit on her tongue, noticing how wonderful it felt.  She didn't want to disturb the moment, but she couldn't help her self.

She felt him pull back from her, his arms still around her, as he held her out in front of him.  She noticed how it seemed he was shaking lightly, his eyes bright, his skin so pale.  He looked so gorgeous, she didn't know what to say or think, though the thought of him being gorgeous was _fremd_ to her indeed.  It was amazing how the snobby, arrogant, hot-headed boy could morph into such a breath-taking gorgeous man in seconds.

"Hitomi."  He whispered her name, catching her eyes with his, as he closed the distance between them again, leaning towards her.  She looked up, wondering what he was doing.  He lowered his face to hers, his lips parted slightly, when the thought hit her.  _He's going to kiss me._  The thought felt odd in her head, but she couldn't help but to admit that a part of her wanted him to.  _Come kiss me.  I want to feel your lips on mine…I want to see what you taste like._  She waited for him expectantly, for the touch of his lips.  He came closer and closer- and then she almost stumbled as he shoved her away, and ran for the castle.  She stared after him, the fire in her subsiding as she watched him run.    The bewilderment of his actions ran through her mind, as she stood out on the palace balcony, trying to make sense of the young King's actions. 

*§*§*§*§*§

A first step indeed.  I hope you al enjoyed this, and I'd like to thank all of you who have read it.  Now go and please write me a review.  I love getting feed back, and it really makes my day, especially when I have a long shift in the emergency room, which really takes everything out of you.  So please, review.  And if you want to write me an e-mail with a question, comment, or just for fun, I have no problem with that either.  I like getting mail, and don't get e-mail too often.

So, I think I'll leave you all here.

Madrilène, the first of December.  Oh yes, happy 1st Advent, everyone, who celebrates Advent, that is.


	4. Desire

Disclaimer:  I do not own Escaflowne.

Hello to everyone.  First, I'd like to thank everyone for the reviews, and though I cannot recall who asked, I don't think I'll have Hitomi be a Draconian.  For reasoning, e-mail me, because I'm sure you'd all rather read the story.

As you may have noticed, the rating has been changed.  Quite simple why I did so.  This chapter will get into a more…sexual way of thinking, so to speak.  So if that bothers you, don't read.

Other than that, I have nothing else really pressing to say.  So, here's the chapter.

§*§*§*§*§

Chapter 4: Desire  
  
  
  
He ran through the halls of the palace, messing the gilded carpets, earning glares from the guards on duty. He didn't care. The almost kiss just kept playing in his head. He had almost ruined everything. His mind shouted at him to slow down, but he couldn't. He knew if he stopped, he'd turn around and go right back to her. He had to reach his room.  
  
  
  
No matter how he fought against it, the scene kept on playing back in his head. Her sweet scent of flowers, her petite structure, her soft skin, her bright eyes. How she looked so innocent in her dressing-gown and night-gown. How the moonlight made her glow-how innocent she was.  
  
  
  
Innocent. It played in his mind over and over again. How he hated the word at the moment. It made him remember that they were both innocent. Innocent in the sense of never having been with another man or woman, in his case. Chastity. Virginity. Whatever one may call it, the meaning was the same. It made him desire her even more. He wanted her to be his first, he to be hers.  
  
  
  
He finally came to his bedroom door, gripping it with a vengeance. Thoughts of lying with her, making her his, sharing his bed with her overwhelmed him as he threw the door open, leaping for his bed. He had never felt such a thing before. He remembered when he had first learned of such a thing, but actually having experienced it was different.  
  
  
  
At the age of ten, Master Hydran, the Head Male Healer, sat him down. Van still remembered the words. _At a certain age, a boy begins to change. It usually starts about the age you are now, Highness. A boy becomes a man._ Master Hydran started talking about adult things, like bedding a woman and what to do if he wanted a woman, but couldn't have her, something Master Hydran thought was very important for any noble to know. He had never been so embarrassed it had seemed. Master Hydran had continued his speech, and he had left the room confused.   
  
  
  
Though Master Hydran's words stayed by him, he never really thought about their meaning. It wasn't until the month before his fifteenth birthday that he realised he might find himself in such a situation. In Fanelia, theoretically a man wasn't a man until his eighteenth birthday. But in the case of being the last Heir, at fifteen it was the age to receive the family lands and titles. In Van's case, it was his time to go out and complete his Rite of killing the Dragon of Darkness. Vargas hadn't wanted him to, but he had insisted. Van shook his head. First, he wasn't going to hunt out any dragons anymore. And secondly he was always going to listen to Vargas- and then it hit him. Vargas was dead.  
  
  
  
Vargas had always been a second father to him. As High General and Samurai of the Fanelian Crown, he had been good friends with his father. And since Gaou had died so early on in Van's life, Vargas had taken King Gaou's place as a father-like figure. It was also he who had stood up to the Fanelian Council when the prospect of Van's marriage came up.  
  
  
  
It was then that Master Hydran's words came back to his mind. Chancellor Orthain, a member of the King's Council, was convinced that Van should marry as soon as possible. And so were many other Council members. Van had fought against it. _ I'm only fourteen! I won't be fifteen for another month! And I don't want to marry just anyone, I want to marry someone I like! Not just some rich princess! _  
  
  
  
Van laid on his back on the bed, trying to rip his mind away from the goddess in the castle. He was hard for her, and it was beginning to become painful. When he had made his startling announcement to the Council, they had agreed to wait, though they had already made it clear that they would begin looking for suitable princesses. Van hadn't said anything, but he knew that he wasn't going to marry just anyone.  
  
  
  
Gaou and Varyie had been in love with one another. Gaou was engaged to Princess Syria of Lethian, a country on the other side of the Manteno Mountains on the southern border of Fanelia. She had been a petite, beautiful, blond-haired, blue-eyed spoiled Princess, who had been schooled in Decorum, Child Bearing and Running a Palace. She was also vain and could be quite cruel. Gaou had no interest in marrying her. Then one night in the woods of the Fanelian and Abalian border, Gaou, Vargas and other Fanelian Samurai were camping out, when Gaou went exploring, found a lake, and first laid eyes on his future wife.  
  
  
  
It was love at first sight, but when Gaou brought Varyie back to Fanelia, their reception was not the greetings they were hoping for. Chancellor Orthain, for one, was very piqued. The marriage between Gaou and Princess Syria had been trying to take place for the last two and a half years, and when he had finally gotten Gaou to give his semi-consent at almost eighteen, he wanted the marriage performed as soon as possible. And instead Gaou had come home with Varyie.  
  
  
  
Though Varyie and Gaou's marriage was not supported by many of the council members, they had to admit that Varyie made a good a queen, despite her Draconian heritage. And their opinions had changed when ten months after their marriage, Varyie bore a son, the Heir.  
  
  
  
Van pushed himself up so that he was sitting. Thinking about his parents had brought his mind from Hitomi. But he had stumbled upon another painful subject. Folken. He still couldn't get over Folken's betrayal. It was hard enough that Folken had supposedly died, when he had been alive the entire time, but that Folken was on the enemy side, and about to attack Freid in a few days...was unbelievable. And awful. Not to mention he didn't want his Hitomi to get hurt...  
  
  
  
Damn! He had thought of her again. No matter what he thought of, he related everything back to her. Her looks, her voice, her powers, everything. And he was head over heels in love with her. It was nerve-wracking. Not to mention the fact that she loved another. _Allen_.   
  
  
  
Allen Schezar. Knight Caeli, perfect at the Kendo Arts. Van's and Allen's pasts were quite similar, both loosing their fathers at a young age, having siblings that were at one time missing, though Celena Schezar still was, and having mothers who had wasted away from grief. Both had been trained by Vargas, and both considered him a second father. Unfortunately, Van wasn't thinking of the similarities between Allen and himself. He was thinking of the one woman that he was in love with, and the man he was terribly jealous over.  
  
  
  
He felt himself harden for her again, his want for her becoming almost unbearable. It was amazing, he reflected, about how he could want her so much. And then he stopped. Forget about almost unbearable, it was unbearable for him in his state of mind. He couldn't help build fantasies of sharing a bed with her, her legs around him, her flesh and his mixing, her kisses and caresses bringing him to the edge. He was straining against his pants, and he knew he had to do something fast.   
  
  
  
The first thing that came to his mind was to find her, and bed her. The only problem with that certain act was that she probably just wasn't going to let him take her the first moment he admitted he loved her, especially before marriage. The second option was to touch himself. Master Hydran had explained it to him during their 'little' talk. _When a man hardens for a woman, a woman he can't have, then to ease the feeling, he can touch himself, imitate what a woman does. It brings the same feeling, and returns him to his normal state._ At the time, Van had vetoed that act immediately. He wasn't about to touch himself there, that had to be something only whores did. Master Hydran had been quick to explain that it was nothing to be ashamed over, but Van didn't care.   
  
  
  
He still kept to his previous decision. He wasn't going to touch himself. But he admitted that he didn't know what to do. It was the first time he had been in such a situation. Sure, at fourteen he saw girls that he'd admit were pretty, but he had never wanted them, especially like this. Hitomi was the only woman who could make him feel so.  But the matter at hand was he was running out of options to relieve himself, as he felt how close to the edge he was.   
  
  
  
Getting up slowly, he made his way to the connecting bathroom, locking the door behind him. Maybe…he turned his eyes to the bath. Turning on the water as cold as he could get it, he undressed, noting how he stood straight up, and sat down in the cold water, feeling himself reside. His thought process had been simple-if he felt like burning, why not cool himself off? And it had worked. He made a note of it, in case he had to do such a thing again, especially when she resided a few rooms down.  
  
  
  
Soaking in his bath, he finally got out, and pulled on his under-shorts, deciding to sleep just in them. Climbing into bed, Van tried to keep his thoughts away from Hitomi. Unfortunately, that didn't work. His head hit his pillow, and he was instantly reminded of their almost kiss.  
  
  
  
He was reminded of how he had pressed her body to his, how her curves fit with his angles perfectly, how she hadn't resisted. And then he repeated the last part of his thought: _how she hadn't resisted_. She hadn't pushed away from him, actually, it was almost as if she welcomed him, as if she wanted him to hold her, and kiss her. _This makes things a lot easier_, he thought, as he fell asleep with a smile on his lips. _Maybe she does feel something for me._

§*§*§*§*§

There.  I think you have now realised why I raised the rating to R.  I don't have a lot of time, so I', just going to post this now.  So thanks of those who have reviewed, and please review again.

-Madrilène, the tenth of December.


	5. WaterColoured Dawn

Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne, and neither does my sister. 

AN: Okay, I am Gabriella. Madri's my older sister, and since she's on her honeymoon, she told me to post this part for her. So, here it is.

*&*&*&*&*

The blending colours of the sunrise made the sky a water-colour painting, dark blue in the west, lightening to the pink, gold and orange the sky was over head. Everything seemed to brighten with the glorious shine, and silence reigned.

She sighed. She had been sitting on the bench in the garden for the last hours-since Van left. Their almost kiss replayed through her head with consistence, never once leaving her mind to rest. His hard body, strong arms, angles, his soft shoulder, his clean scent. 

It had surprised her, when he had taken her into his arms, hugging her against him, but what surprised him more was that she had enjoyed it, and unconsciously, she knew she wanted it. She wanted his arms wrapped around her, his body hard pressed against hers. She wanted to feel his lips, his soft lips pressed against hers. 

This feeling was new to her. She had never felt so hot in her life, but not only was she hot, it was a different hot then what she normally felt. This hot feeling wanted to devour her, and she admitted that she was almost a bit of afraid of the feelings running throughout her. Not to mention, this was Van she was feeling these things for. Van, who though he had saved her life countless times, and she his, was not interested in her. Or at least, she thought he wasn't. Of course, the kiss they had almost shared tried to disapprove that.

She was losing her self in her thoughts. She didn't know what to think, such thoughts about a man, and losing her senses in his kisses, even sharing a bed with him had crept into her mind, scaring her. She was only fifteen, for heavens sake, and she knew next to nothing about such matters.

At school, every year since the last year of elementary school, they were taught about such things. About changes in a woman's body, in a boy's. How she would start bleeding, and not to panic. She remembered her first time, waking up in the morning, and freaking out about the blood in her underwear. Morwenna had come rushing in, but seeing what was wrong, she smiled and gave Hitomi a napkin to stop the blood from flowing onto the bed. _Here, I'm proud of you honey, and as icky as this sounds, you should be proud too. You're officially a woman._

Hitomi knew she should consider herself lucky. The same day, Morwenna had explained about sometimes having a slight pain, or cramps, talking about feeling awful and mood swings. As far as Hitomi knew, she hadn't experienced anyone of those things, not yet, at least. The only thing she ever felt was a slight ache when she first received it every month, and then it went away. Of course, Hitomi didn't think about how she wasn't ever in pain, but more about how annoying the blood was. How icky and gross. 

Which brought her thoughts to her stay in Gaea again. Not only had her hair not grown, neither had she bled in the time. She should have received it twice, and she hadn't. Not that she was complaining, but it was semi unusual. Morwenna had always said it was a sign of being a woman, able to have children, but Hitomi didn't care. 

She had never thought of doing such an act like climbing into bed with a man until she was finished with school, university, and she was married. Chastity was prided in her family. But that just confused her even more. She admitted that she _wanted_ to climb into his bed, to give him herself. In was common sense that stopped her. Not to mention a quiet voice in the back of her mind which repeated constantly _What about Allen? What about Allen?_

It was amazing how she hadn't thought of him ever since Van had left her standing there. Her thoughts had been of Van, and her desires, not of Allen. It was almost as if Allen didn't exist anymore to her. As if he wasn't there…something that surprised her. What was exactly wrong with her? Was she really so fickle? She was lost in her thoughts, trying to work out what was wrong with her, what had happened to the love she had felt so strongly to Allen, when she was startled out of her thoughts by a hand on her shoulder and a warm, familiar voice. "Hello."

Hitomi jumped, as her heart leaped into her throat. The silence of the dawn breaking startled her, and she turned, wishing to see who it was. And everything stopped, the earth in its orbit, the sunrise, the quiet chattering of the birds as she saw him. "Allen."

Dressed as he usually was, Caelum Uniform, boots polished, golden hair falling down his back to his waist, sword on hip, his face was impassive. "Good morning Hitomi. May I ask what brings you here, so early on this morning?"

Hitomi brought her gaze to the rose bush, or what she at least thought were roses. If they were the real thing or not, she was not sure. Her throat closed at the sight of him, conflicting emotions swirling in her. "I couldn't sleep." Which was, in one half, true. She couldn't sleep, but it was because of the almost kiss with Van that was keeping her awake.

Allen said nothing, but in watching him, she saw his eyebrow twitch, a sign of his unbelief. His hand still on her shoulder, he turned her so she was facing him. With his other hand he reached up and took her chin, holding her face in his direction. "I see. May I sit down?"

Hitomi felt like yelling at him, telling him to go away and leave her alone, to leave her in peace, but she couldn't. She was divided in half, one half wanted him to sit down and stay, the other half wanted him to get as far as he could away from her. Her two halves fought with one another, eventually manners winning out. She had been raised with manners, and as much as she hated them at times, it was common courtesy to invite him to sit. "I guess so." She tried to make her voice seem as dismal as possible, hoping he'd notice the tone and leave. He didn't.

It was amazing how she felt almost nothing for him any more. The bench was quite small, and there were barely five centimetres separating them. Normally, she'd be quite hot and blushing, trying to make a conversation to draw him out, so they could really talk. And now…there was nothing. Well, she admitted, there was a little bit of something, but it was pale in comparison to what she felt for Van.

Just thinking about Van brought the heat rising in her again, the urge to track him down and ask why he had almost kissed her, if he felt the same things for her as she had discovered thinking about him. Unconsciously she shivered. 

"Are you all right?" His voice was concerned. "Not being able to sleep, shivering even when it's fairly warm…are you sure there's nothing wrong?" He took one of her hands out of her lap. "If there's something wrong, please tell me. I'm quite worried." His bright be eyes met her emerald green ones, but instead of the fire inferno she saw in Van's eyes when she looked into his eyes, Allen's were plain, no depth, fire, no nothing, as if she looked straight through them. 

Her voice was hesitant. She didn't want to hurt him, and somehow she knew that telling him to go away was going to hurt him. "I'm fine. Please, don't worry about me." She took her hand out of his grasp. "There's nothing wrong with me. I assume I'm just tired."

Allen raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. He did not look at her, but at the gardens around them. "Rosan are beautiful this morning." He broke the silence. Hitomi sensed he knew something was keeping her from acting normal with him, and was trying to draw her mind away from it.

"Rosan?" She questioned, glancing in his direction. He picked one and handed it to her, without sound. It was a rose, bright red, smelling beautiful. She took it in her hands, minding the thorns, though it struck her as odd that it barely had any. Feeling as she needed to say something, to break the cover of uncertainty and discomfort, she shifted. "On-on the Mystic Moon, we call them roses. My mother always had at least one rosebush in our garden."

"My mother enjoyed them as well. They were her birth flower, and she always had them in the house." Allen was silent again. He picked another flower and twirled it around his fingers. "Celena liked them as well. She was always picking them to give to Mother. The day- the day she disappeared, she had just picked several of them, and handed them to me, so she could find the others flowers she wanted to give to Mother." He turned towards Hitomi. "You remind me of Celena."

Hitomi felt a blush rising on her cheeks. "I do? I- I'm sorry she disappeared. Somehow", she stopped, watching Allen for a sign that she should continue, "somehow I don't believe she just disappeared. She must have been taken, and that could mean she's still alive." Though Hitomi knew on earth that the probability of a child missing for the last ten years usually meant she was dead, she hoped that Gaea was different. And even on earth there were miracles of missing children turning up.

However, Allen showed no glimmer of hope, and he answered her with a dead-pan tone. "That could be." He fell silent again, and Hitomi turned the other direction.

She was at a loss of what to do. In truth, the tiredness which had escaped her last night was coming on now, as if Allen's presence was sending her to sleep. She fought back a yawn, wishing to return to Van's-no, her bed. She blushed at the thought of going to Van's bed. Van was an early riser, she knew, so the possibility of meeting Van in his bed was slim, but the thoughts still spread throughout her, making her desire grow. She stood up shakily, and almost collapsed.

Strong arms caught her, before her head reached the ground. "You shouldn't lie." She was lifted up, as one would lift an infant, Allen's arm supporting her head as he cradled her. She wouldn't let her self react to his embrace, fighting down the emotion of being held in such a way. 

She started to struggle against his hold. "I'm fine, just a bit sleep-", she yawned, "Sleepy." Instead of letting her go, Allen held her more tightly, pressing her against his chest. 

"No. If you're so sleepy you can't even stand, I will carry you into your room, and inform Prince Chid that you are feeling a tad unwell today." He started through the garden, keeping his hold on her tight. Her body fought in protest, in being held in such a way by a man who she felt nothing for, or at least, nothing like what she felt for Van. In all honesty, Van should be the one holding her like this, and her heart protested to as why she hadn't gone after Van in the first place.

"Allen, please. Put me down. I can make it to my room, it's just down the hall." They had reached the doors to the palace. It was bad enough to be held like this, but to actually seen by someone else, one of her friends, or Millerna, whose friendship with her was not very stable, or Van, who she knew would be hurt, would cause her self pain.

Allen stayed silent, shaking his head, and marching down the corridor. Hitomi thanked God, before coming to the hallway, which led to her room. And there is where her trouble started, as she started to relax, glad that no one had seen her in such a position, as Van entered the hallway. 

*&*&*&*&*&

-Madrilène and Gabriella, 3rd of January, 2003

P.S. Hope everyone had a nice New Year, and Holiday Season.


	6. Frustration

Disclaimer:  Escaflowne is not mine. 

I am so sorry for taking awhile to post it.  An editor had Mid-Terms and couldn't get it back to me.  But do not blame her, thoughs of you who have lived through Midterms know what they are like.  On the good side, I already have chapter 7 finished, so hopefully I will post it sooner.  Just take in account I work, am married, have friends, have family( I am the oldest of four), and enjoy reading and doing other things than sitting on my computer and typing.  So, please pardon any long absenses, I will never desert this story.

A review, I'm sorry, I don't remember the name, suggested that I make longer chapters.  I would, and I do suspect the chapters will start growing in length, but I don't really pay attention to the length of a chapter.  I end a chapter when I see fit,  and in the chapters where it's just Van or Hitomi's thoughts, they are usually about three or four pages.  It also allows me to post more frequently.  So, thanks for the suggestion and I will keep it in mind, but I end a chapter when I see fit, not based on length.

 Thanks to the rest of you who reviewed.

 §&§&§&§&

Chapter 6: Frustrations 

He slammed the wall with his hand.  He hated it, hated it, hated it! He loved her, god damn it, he loved her.  All he wanted to do was to hold her in his arms, kiss her, revel in her scent and beauty.  He also admitted he wouldn't mind getting in bed with her-she was the only woman he wanted to warm his bed at night.  

He was going to tell her.  Well, he admitted, he wasn't really sure if he could admit it to her yet, but he was going to try.  And the moment he stepped in the hallway, who comes but Allen Schezar, Knight Caeli, the man who's probably bedded every single woman in Palas.  Of course, that wasn't enough.  No, Allen had to be carrying Hitomi.  

His blood ran cold at the thought of the Knight.  How he couldn't stand him.  It was ridiculous.  He had actually thought she had cared somewhat for him, the way she hadn't protested when he had held her to him, the way he had almost kissed her.  She had seemed to welcome it.  

And then He punched the wall again.  It hurt his hand, he admitted, but not enough to cancel out the pain of seeing his beloved with another man.  In the arms of another man.  In the arms of another man who has a reputation of bedding woman.  A man who's eight or nine years older than his beloved.  Van couldn't remember exactly how old Allen was, but he knew it was somewhere around twenty-three, twenty-four.  He was about two and a half years older than Princess Eries, and Princess Eries was twenty-one, three years older than the Princess Millerna.  

That was another thing Van couldn't understand.  Why would Allen even want Hitomi, his Hitomi? Allen couldn't possibly be in love with her, not after all the tales he'd heard.  A travelling Healer had once stayed in the Fanelian palace about seven years ago.  She had been in Asturia before, and told of a great scandal whispered within the servant's quarters.  A Knight of Caeli, the newest one, around eighteen years of age, had been seen sneaking around with the eldest Asturian Princess.  The Princess was betrothed to the Duke of Fried, and had supposedly had an affair with the Knight.  _'Tis a great mystery, why the Princess would do such a thing.  Her new husband must not take her in after she's given her innocence to another, and if that's what she's hoping for, well, then her Knight will be beheaded.  It's custom, at least in Asturia.  _

Van hadn't really been allowed in the conversation, but he was the Heir to the Throne so none of the Advisers had really tried to keep him away.  All he had received were a few choice looks, but nothing else.  And of course a talking-to from his tutor in Mathematics, as he had skipped Mathematics to go there.  He had pretty much forgotten about the Healer's tale, as it was seven years ago.  He had been eight, and unfaithful Asturian Princesses wasn't on his list of priorities.  It wasn't till they had set foot in Fried that he remembered it.

Allen had had an affair with Princess Marlene, who was his age.  Princess Marlene had refused her other suitors, but finally King Aston put his foot down and the Duke of Fried was declared a suitor.  To combine the Kingdoms of Fried and Asturia by blood would be magnificent, and King Aston wasn't going to let his eldest daughter ruin his dreams.  Princess Marlene had protested greatly, the Healer had said.  She wouldn't even meet the Duke at first.  She keep sneaking away and meeting her paramour, until the day they married in Fried, where the Knight Caeli wasn't present.  It was rumoured that even though tradition had the Prince marrying the Princess in the Princess's own Land, King Aston had deliberately asked the Duke to host the wedding.

After Princess Marlene was out of her lover's reach, he was re-stationed somewhere in the north.  It wasn't until a few years hence that the Knight had returned to Palas, and had met Princess Millerna, Marlene's younger sister, who had been at the time of Marlene's marriage twelve, became interested in the Knight, where she was sixteen, and resembled the Princess Marlene fully.  The servants were wondering when the Knight was going to go after the Princess Eries.  King Aston had already posted the Knight Caeli in the north, where the mountains began, and he now positioned him on the east, with the swamps.  Would the King post him in the south, the barren land was, or would the King just behead him? 

When Van had hear the tales, he thought nothing of them.  It wasn't until he realized Allen's interest in Hitomi, that made him sort out all the tales he had heard in his head.  Most had come from servants.  Servants were excellent tale-tellers, and they loved to talk.  Almost nothing went by a servant, they were always around and were excellent in observing others.  He had learned at an early age to talk to servants, and to listen to them.

But what he hated was that servants were starting to tell rumours over Hitomi.  _The girl, you know, the strange one.  She either has the Lord's hand on her, or the Devil's.  Those visions she has, they just ain't right.  And have you heard? The Knight's going after her, it seems.  After he found out that the Princess Millerna was betrothed to that Merchant's son, he started going after her.  Poor girl, I wonder if she knows the Knight's history.  _

Thinking of that made Van punch the wall again.  He could be very observant when he wanted to be.  He had observed Allen, Hitomi and Princess Millerna for the last few days.  From what he had witnessed, Princess Millerna and Allen did not fit very well together.  Allen saw Princess Marlene in her, and she just wanted to prove her father wrong by courting someone other than her betrothed.  Hitomi kept on confusing Allen with the boy from the Mystic Moon, Amado, Amando, Amano, whatever his name was.  Of course, now Hitomi had been on Gaea over two months, and should know that this Amando and Allen were two very different people.

He had backed himself into a corner, and he didn't know what to do.  He couldn't confess his love to Hitomi, not if she still harboured feelings for Allen.  So therefore he was stuck.  There was no way to move on.  The way out, to his heart, was being blocked by another.  It was- 

"Van." He whipped around, facing the door, and almost sighed in relief.  Instead of being Hitomi or Allen: Hitomi who had been looking for him the last few days and trying to talk to him; and Allen, who though he had no reason to look for him, for some reason had.  It could have been because Van had hardly left the room after seeing Allen and Hitomi together, and he was concerned.  But he didn't need _Allen's concern_.  

"What is it, Merle?" Merle bounded in the room.  "Nothing…just wondering what you were doing.  Is that cow here?" She landed on his bed, and began to lick her paws clean.  Van watched her, wondering where she had changed through the course of the journey.  Maybe it was because she had lost her only home.  Or because they were travelling, and she knew she had to act a bit more well-behaved.  But some things never change, he added, when he heard her term for Hitomi.

 Raising an eyebrow, he glanced at her.  "If you mean Hitomi,  I couldn't tell you that.  I haven't seen her in days."  Did she have to bring up Hitomi?  It was torture for him, to always be reminded of her.   Why else had he stayed in his room the last two and a half days? 

"You never told me why you won't come out of your room.   That cow is worried about you." Merle rolled over and sprung off the bed.   She went into Van's bathroom.  He could have requested a Royal Suite, but he wished for a simple room.   There was no need for him to have his own complete apartment with servant's quarters, studies, parlours and washrooms.   His one bedroom with private bathroom was enough.  

Van could hear her rummaging through the cabinets.   "Don't break anything."  He yelled, ignoring her question as to why he wasn't coming out.   There wasn't much in there to break, perhaps a porcelain figurine, or the mirror.   Otherwise there was a wash basin, sink and toilet, curtained off from the rest.  

"I won't."  Merle called back, and then appeared again with a stick.   "What's this?"  She handed it to Van, who looked it over.   It was nothing very special, but as he whiffed it, he knew what it was.   The smell was of roses and other flowers, just how Hitomi smelled like.   He could feel his loins tightening slowly, and it made him curse inwardly.   He gave it back to Merle.

"It's a Dureè stick.  I think it comes from Cesario, and is like a scent, like what Ladies put on." He turned away as his thoughts went to Hitomi, how she smelled, how soft her hair had been, how soft she was, how her curves fit perfectly with him, how- 

"Van?  Are you all right?  You closed your eyes, and when I tried to get your attention, it didn't work."  Merle was waving a paw in front of his face.  "What's wrong?"  She looked concerned, like she always did.  She always wanted to protect him, to watch out for him.  Not to mention he was almost positive that she had a bit of a crush on him.  She was the only family he had left at the moment, and though she watched out for him, she could be too protective at times.  Like what Hitomi had said…

He shook his head.  "Nothing, Merle, I'm fine.  I think I'll take a bath and then take a nap.  I admit I haven't been feeling perfect the last few days, just a bit of a headache."  He walked towards the bathroom.  Before he entered, he turned around, looking at her.  "And do tell everyone that I'm fine, and they mustn't always check up on me.   I'll just take a bit of a rest this evening."  He ducked into the bathroom, and waited until he heard Merle leave before sighing and drawing the bath water.  

After the tub was filled he climbed in, submerging himself fully.  The water was hot, and made him feel wonderful, as if all the loads on his shoulders suddenly tumbled down.  He could relax, and he felt his thoughts wander to Hitomi.  He knew that in a few days Zaibach was due to invade Fried, and he'd have to go join the battle.  Especially because part of the reason Fried was being invaded was Escaflowne and he.  He needed to start training again, and he had an idea of how he and Escaflowne could get even closer.   

And Hitomi…Van had an idea.  He knew she was worried about him.  He knew it.  And the only way he could confess his own feelings was if he knew she cared at least a bit about him.  And to show she cared about him he had the perfect solution.  He would ignore her.  Truly ignore her.  Pretend she had never come to Gaea, pretend they had never met.   Everything rested with her.  _Let's see if she cares enough.   It's up to her to make the first move now.  _

&§&§&§&

Please review and I shall not write a long note here, I'm a bit short on time.  Hopefully Chapter 7 will be up sooner, and I can already say that it's Hitomi's turn, with a bit of Millerna...what do they young Seer and Princess have to talk about?  Perhaps a certain knight?

-Madrilène, the Seventh of February

Err... I'm sorry for taking another two weeks to post, but first fanfiction.net wasn't working and then I simply didn't have time or forgot... so here it is.  Finally.  I am so sorry.  Just keep in mind the above AN.

-The Twentieth of February


	7. Sisterly Advice

Disclaimer: Not mine

I am _terribly_ sorry for taking so long, but I _do_ have an excuse. What I held back last chapter, way back in February was that I had been getting sick. We thought it was a stomach flu-I specialise in virology, and some animal viruses _can_ be passed to humans, so I had to have a lot of tests done. Let's just say I wasn't sick, but there _was_ something up with me. It turns out I was pregnant.

I apparently inherited my morning-sickness from my mother, which meant that I spent a lot of my time in the hopsitpal, receiving fluids. After my morning sickness was gone, I got _truly_ sick and was sent to the hospital again...

_Then_ let me tell you that having a baby on the way means a _lot_ of work. We had family and friends from all over visiting, had to get everything ready for the baby's arrival, not to mention that _carrying_ a child is not all roses and sugar and whatever people say about it. Having a kid in your stomach that kicks and burps and sits on your bladder and messes with your hormones and gives you odd cravings and makes you grow several sizes is _annoying_, especially when you're proud of your size 2.

But it's worth it.

Anyway, on September Twenty-Fifth, 2003 at 12:08a.m., I gave birth to Eric Alexander. So. I finally got released from the birth center and was at home, in bed, when I finally booted up my laptop after weeks of absence and came across the folder where this is housed and realised that it has been _months_ since I last updated. Therefore I decided to update this chapter, which unfortunately has been finished since about the time I posted Chapter 6... And you guys, after finally checking my e-mail after a long time-I have another e-mail account that's for work and friends and family-this e-mail is only for stories-I was _floored_ that I had I think it was 123 reviews. So thanks a lot. Really. There's a really annoying thing call Post-Natal Depression...and it sucks. Seeing all my reviews really made my day, though I started to cry and my husband, who was busy with Eric, almost dropped him to see what was wrong with me. Which is in one way sweet-on the other hand he almost dropped my baby. But anyway, you guys are wonderful and I'll try not to take so long for the next chapter. The thing is, before I was busy with my husband, friends, family and work. Now add in a new born...and things become _really_ unpredictable. 

&§ &§ &§ &

Chapter 7: Sisterly Advice

What was his problem? First he went and hid in his room, and then he comes out and totally ignored her. All it seemed he was interested in was fighting. Training and fighting, which did him a lot of good. If he really wanted anything from her, he should at least talk to her. When they had first met, and weren't friends yet, he had at least said `leave me alone' or snorted, or did something to give her the impression that he acknowledged her presence. But lately... She threw the stone, not even trying to skip it.

She threw another stone. If only throwing stones was like throwing problems. She'd throw all her problems, all her worries, all her hesitations and all her troubles away. Into a pond, where only the gold-fish would find them. Or maybe, she should just throw Van into the pond. That'd solve most of her problems. The thought of a soaking Van sitting in the small pond brought a smile to her lips, and as she concentrated on the image, she started to laugh.

It felt good to laugh. It seemed as if she hadn't laughed in the longest time. The entire time on Gaea, it was always from one place to the next. It was annoying, and hard for her. She tried to fit in, but in a land where you knew no one, the customs and the fashions were very different, and you were a key part in a war that involved many different countries, there hadn't been time to have fun. 

In Asturia, at the marketplace, she might have laughed, but she didn't recall it. And since then...she had no time to. They had come to Fried and had alerted the Duke of Zaibach's threat. He had just arrived from journeying abroad, and was very thankful for the information. They had captured a Zaibach soldier, and were trying to make him talk. She wasn't really sure what had happened to the soldier; he was in the dungeons, and she tried to avoid them.

She was sure that Gaea was a beautiful world, when not in war. She loved how it looked, the palaces with the different flora and fauna. It was so mystical; a land where magic existed, an ancient race of winged-people almost to extinction, with only Van and his brother as the last. _Van..._

He brought such a feeling to her, one that spread throughout her body, intoxicating her with its heat and desire. She had such a desire to take him and do the most daring and shocking things to him. Things that would cause her mother to gasp, and cover her eyes and ears. Morwenna Kanzaki was very nice and understanding, but she was a bit old-fashioned. "You should smile more often." A voice suddenly said, behind her.

Hitomi whirled around. A woman dressed in riding pants and a frilly pink shirt, Princess Millerna, stood next to her. Her blond curls trailed down her back, held back by a ribbon. Her lilac eyes were bright, and her circlet hung in the centre of her forehead. Millerna was beautiful, Hitomi admitted. And she was smart- training to be a doctor. At eighteen, she should be starting college on Earth, not engaged to be married, and learning how to needlepoint, or whatever it was that Princesses learned to do. But Hitomi pushed those thoughts away. "Oh, hello, Millerna."

"Really, smile more often. It brightens up your face and gives you a natural and innocent beauty." Millerna reached down and picked up a rock. She skipped it expertly, letting it skip ten times before it sank. At Hitomi's surprised look, she elaborated. "As a child, my family would always go to a summer palace. Marlene taught me to skip, when I was eight."

"I was never good at skipping." Hitomi said, looking down. "I could do it a few times, but never more than five, and I only reached five once." Millerna studied the girl's profile, noting the crease in her brow. Though she did not know Hitomi very well, she had the aspiration to get to know her better, and she already considered her a friend. 

"You've been a bit under the last few days. Is something wrong?" She lifted a hand, smoothing the younger girl's bangs at of the way. "Come, let's sit and talk. And tell me why you have such short hair, when longer hair would suit you better." She led her over to a bench in a grove of orange flowers. "These are called Ransen."

Hitomi smelled the flowers, feeling silkiness of the petals. "They're beautiful." She whispered. They were beautiful, and she wished that such things were found on Earth. Gaea was so different, but in ways, better. There was hardly any pollution, or worry about the ozone layer. Things were natural. And it seemed out of a story book- a fact she still couldn't believe.

She sighed, inhaling deeply, remembering Millerna's earlier question. She turned towards her, smile a bit for pretense. "I used to have long hair, but when I was little I didn't always necessarily wish to keep on keeping it in order. Then, when I started track at thirteen, shorter hair was just easier to have. So I cut it once and for all..." She shook her head. "My hair, it usually grows quickly in my family. I had to cut it practically every week. And now it hasn't grown a centimetre for months. Kind of odd..."

"Well, I think you should grow it longer. I can understand why you cut it, but long hair really would suit you better." Millerna smiled hesitantly. "I once wanted to cut my hair, but I was never allowed to. `A Princess should never have hair shorter than her shoulders, unless she has a very good reason.' My reason was because I wanted to look different. Therefore, I wasn't allowed."

Hitomi studied the girl. It was almost as if she had found an older sister in her, a girl that she could spill her secrets to. It was amazing how they had started off as rivals, rivals for Allen's attention. Hitomi shook her head, amazed how much she herself had changed while she was here. She had been a good student, excelled in track, sung soprano in the school choir, fought with her brother, got along fine with her mother, was respectful to her father, and was fairly ordinary. What made her different was her tarot readings and her visions. Her visions she rarely received, and her tarot readings, which were just a game. 

On Gaea, every thing had changed. Her brother, who taunted her, was not there to tease her when a situation was rough, bringing her to see the humour of it. Her mother, who was always there to console her, was on another planet, and couldn't give her any words of hope. And her father, who she always had looked up to as a presence, which even though rarely seen, was still someone to put trust in, and get her out of a hard situation. Yukari was not there to cheer her own, Amano was not there to impress.

And then she realised that even though the normal pillars she had to lean on weren't there, she had constructed new ones. Ones that had even more meanings than the first. For instance, Millerna. Though their first impressions had been rocky, Millerna was turning out to be someone she could trust, someone who was always there to listen. Allen took over Amano's roll, as their almost identical appearance dictated. And Chid was there to cheer her on, someone who looked up to her. Merle was Matt, annoying, but someone who could still turn out to be a good friend, given time. And Van, Van was her father. Not literally, she thought, blushing at the implications, but he was the person whose trust and respect meant the most to her. And it didn't help that she was falling in love with Van.

Falling in love with Van. The words felt odd in her mind, but she knew them to be true. There was no other word for how she felt. How her day seemed to brighten when she was around him, how a strange heat flowed through her as she thought of him. She loved him. She admitted it. And now- "Hitomi?"

Hitomi tore herself away from her thoughts. "Yes?" Millerna was watching her with concern. _Oh wonderful, I forgot I wasn't alone... _She faced Millerna, who looked at her right back. In the eyes. As if she wanted to say something important.

"You shouldn't be losing sleep over him." Whatever she had been expecting Millerna to say hadn't been that. Hitomi gaped at the older girl. What did she mean? Losing sleep over Van? Or Allen? How much did Millerna know? Her heart beat wildly in her chest. Did Millerna still think she was in love with Allen? Or did Millerna think she was in love with Van? And- "Van that is. By the way, what is going on between you?"

Hitomi could do nothing other than blink. Her thoughts incoherent, she blinked a few times, hoping that her mouth hadn't dropped open. Millerna was a lot more perceptive than she realised, and she felt like laughing to herself at the absurdity of her being without any sense of intelligence just because she was a princess. Finally regaining the power of speech, Hitomi shook her head. "Nothing. Actually, Van is ignoring me. And I've been having dreams at night, not visions, per se, but just dreams. That's probably what's keeping me awake."

And in one sense, that was true. Yes, she was having odd dreams, and they were in part keeping her up. But it was also the worry over Van that was keeping her awake at night, worrying. Not to mention part of her odd dreams were about Van, strange dreams about sharing a bed with him, or doing other acts. But she would never admit that. Even to Millerna.

Millerna shrugged, turning away. "I see." Her answer was strangely distant, unlike how she had been a few moments ago. Silence reigned upon them for a few moments. Hitomi watched the water, Millerna watched the trees. And then the silence broke. "Chid is Allen's child." Millerna suddenly spoke up.

Again Millerna had managed to make Hitomi speechless. Hitomi gaped at her. Why had Millerna brought that up? And how did she even know? "I-I know." Which was true. She had been playing with her tarot cards, though one really couldn't play with them. Chid had come upon her, and had asked her to read his cards. Although she had had a sense of foreboding she had done it anyway, and had found out the truth.

She had been close to going up to Allen and yelling at him for hours- how he could hide such a thing. But then she remembered a few things. One, Allen might not know himself. Two, Marlene was dead, and Chid was growing up as a prince. There was no better place for him. Three, the Duke of Fried was a wonderful father to Chid, why should Allen take that away. And four, Allen shouldn't mean anything to her anymore. At least, not in the 'he's been sleeping with someone else' sense. 

It had been a bucket of cold water poured on her head to realize that, but she had. She accepted it. And she hadn't told Chid. There was no reason to ruin a six year-old's life by telling him his mother had been unfaithful to her husband, and that though Marlene did love the Duke when she died, she hadn't before. The games of court and society should not be played on such a young boy.

"What does that make you feel about Allen? I know Marlene loved him, and he loved her. But does he still love her? And Chid. I- I have never felt so helpless." Millerna continued, facing the trees. It was amazing to see Millerna so unconfident. The young woman was always confident. She stood up to the Duke who, when they had first arrived in Fried, had not wished to accept Allen. She had convinced the Duke to not just take Zaibach's word, and throw them into a dungeon. They had never spent anytime in a dungeon, and Millerna was to thank for that. Yet here she was so insecure.

Then Hitomi was hit with something. Millerna had followed after Allen. She was convinced that she wanted him, not this Dryden. And now Millerna was learning that it was impossible to run away from your problems. If Millerna hadn't fallen so in love with Allen, to spite her betrothal, she would have taken the news in stride. _You can't run away from your problems, my dear. Sometimes you just have to stand and hit them face on. _Athena had always said that. And Hitomi had just now realized how right she was.

"Do you really love Allen? Or are you just using him for not having to marry Dryden?" Hitomi spoke up quickly, before she could change her mind. The question hung in the air; Millerna not answering it. She let Millerna think. A silent breeze swept through the garden as Millerna thought. And then Hitomi continued. It was impossibly hard for her to admit what she was going to say. And she knew that once she said it, she could not hide any longer. But in a way she was glad it was Millerna she was confessing this to. Not someone else. Only Millerna would know what she was going to say. 

"I'm in love with Van. And I realized that when I first met Allen. At first, I wanted to be with Allen. He was- is the twin of my crush-umm, the boy who I thought I liked on the Mystic Moon. And I also looked up to this boy, and used him as someone I had to impress. But having Allen hid my thoughts from my true feelings. And it wasn't until recently that I admitted I didn't feel anything for Allen, except friendship. And it also took me awhile to admit I felt something more for Van.

"What I'm saying is this: you're running away from your engagement, and using Allen as someone to hide behind. Don't. That's not fair to you, to Allen, or to Dryden. And though I've never met Dryden, you should give him a chance. A small chance, but a chance nonetheless. And then you can sort out your feelings. Only then can you find out if you really love Dryden, or Allen, or someone else entirely." And there Hitomi got up, leaving the Princess on the bench, and went to find a certain raven-haired, annoying King, who she needed to talk to, before she lost her nerve. It was amazing how when advising someone else, you got the most advice.

&§&§&§&

-Madrilène, the Fourth of October.


End file.
